A Hitchhikers Route to a Residency

As my first trip to the US comes to an end I look forward eagerly to heading back home. It’s definitely been a long and tough 6 months which I really enjoyed. To sum it up I’ve been through 2 exams (and their results), 2 countries, 11 states in the US itself, possibly all the modes of public transport in these 11 states (a lot of which were delayed/cancelled/broke down – I am somewhat of a lightning rod in this matter, and it seemingly does strike more than once. A lot more than once. Some more on that later, perhaps), 15 interviews (I had my last one just two days back and am exhausted with the traveling, smiling, shaking hands and generally pretending to be nice. Not that I’m not nice, it’s just that the pretence is more convincing. And don't even get me started on the suit.)

My experiences with public transport thus far have not been the best, and on the bright side have certainly not been dull. I have had a Coach USA bus break down in the middle of nowhere on the Garden State Parkway, an Amtrak train cancel on me in the middle of the night in Cincinnati after which I had to take a cab and ride through the night all the way to Huntington, WV, for an interview the next morning. (about 150 miles and 3 hours, not to mention it cost me nearly as much as Luxembourg’s nuclear defense budget. At the end the cabbie wasn’t happy because he thought he should have charged me something closer to North Korea’s. The African-American lady and her daughter I let share my cab were quite amused and thrilled at the prospect and spent half the cab ride calling up friends, waking them up and telling them about the crazy guy who was driving from Cincinnati to Huntington. The remaining half was spent trying to decipher whether I was French or Italian. They weren’t the sharpest tools in any shed, but I’m sure even they guessed I was Indian at the end of the journey when I didn’t tip the cabbie, which may just have disgruntled him further) I have actually had the ever reliable NY subway delayed by as much as 20 minutes and the Staten Island ferry delayed by 10(its just a 25 minute ride) - even though the ferry doesn’t have to worry about traffic or trains in front of it getting derailed, they somehow could not find a place to dock that day. I have been through quarrels with Greyhound and refunds from NYC Transit, through flight delays at LGA and bomb scares at the Port Authority.

I feel a little like Arthur Dent when he reached the Earth after being thrown around in the universe a bit barring the fact that I am quite certain that at least some variant of the earth and of Delhi still exist even if the real ones may have been sacrificed for a hyperspace bypass or something. (For those who didn’t get that, please, I beseech you, please read the good book - The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.)

My interview experiences have been far from this exciting. Most of the interviews are similar, the questions remain the same but the people asking them change. There are a few different ones where the Program Director might start playing medical jeopardy with you or when you get to ride in a stretch limo. There are long interviews in the places which genuinely care about the sort of candidate they take in and there are those in NYC where you might miss your interview if you blink. There are some where they will ask you medicine related questions as if you got somebody else to take your MLEs and some where they will ask you anything but. The upshot of it all is that I feel that my relationship with programs and program directors is a lot like my relationship with women, in the following ways :

1) I believe one can’t trust either. One on one, they’ll say wonderful things about you. Literally tell you that you are ‘the one’ - their McDreamy, or in some very rare cases even their McSteamy. And then very conveniently, they will say that to the next guy too.

2) The programs I like, much like the girls I like, don’t like me. At least not in the same way. With girls, the ones I really like always end up telling me I’m just a good friend and how much they care about me and that they aren’t interested in a relationship at that point in time. With residency programs, I ask the ones I really like for a prematch and they tell me how I am a very strong candidate and that they aren’t giving any prematches just yet. Eerily similar, I think.

3) Interviewing at residency programs is a lot like dating. I’m checking them out, they’re checking me out, trying to figure out if its going to work on a long term basis. I interviewed at a hospital in Boston where I’d spent a month observing and it was more like an awkward second date rather than a nervous first one. They knew everything about me, and I knew everything about them and that pretty much left nothing to talk about.

4) After every interview (read: first date) I come back and send them a communiqué telling them how much I enjoyed the meeting and how eager I am to take our relationship to the next level, and again just like most girls, most programs don’t bother to reply to my painstakingly written, carefully worded, double spell checked, treble proof read emails.

5) Despite my miserable track records with girls and residency programs, I still dream of getting the right ‘match’ in both departments. I wish everyone the best of luck in love and life on their respective matchdays. Have a great 2007 folks.