Home? Shanti? Home?

So, as another year comes to an end, and the usual cliches abound about if having sped by so fast I decided it was time to revive my blog which had been dormant for far too long, the reasons for which are many. I have been busy living the life of a Neurology resident, and am busy aspiring to live the life of a neurovascular fellow. I have also gone through a rather prolonged phase of indifference towards most things the world has to offer(when Manchester United loses and it doesn't affect me, it's probably time to worry) the reasons for which I still seek.

I have also had several failed attempts at writing a post which I considered good enough for my blog over the past few months, and if it hadn't been for a friend who happens to be an accomplished writer giving me some very sound advice this post might also not have seen the light of day.

So what has been happening with our chronicler over all this time, is I believe what the avid followers of this space are wondering. Life has, in general, been dawdling on rather slowly, and yes, in spite of that I too, will wonder in a week's time how the past year flew by, just because its what we do. I have been surviving this godforsaken land as best as I can, having a few moments of fun thrown in between several of boredom and serious introspection, essentially precipitated by having far too little to do and having nobody to do it with.

Its incredible how some of us take to a foreign country like a European to beer, including many of my friends who now live in the US, while some of us struggle to make any place other than home, home. I first moved out of home when I was but a young lad of 18, heading to Ahmedabad to med school. Since then I have had several visits back to Delhi, and several departures from home, and I have to say, they do NOT get easier. I have over the last 10 years, never really, truly felt 'at home', ironically enough not even during the brief period that I was home, perhaps because I knew it was just a brief stay, in transition to my next destination. I don't know if thats something thats wrong with me, whether I am holding on too tightly to an idyllic place from childhood that exists in my head to accept my new surroundings as home or whether this is something that every immigrant, every re-locator goes through.

The definition of home has now become amorphous. Is it the supposedly 'nice' apartment in downtown Cleveland I share with a friend? Is it my parents house in Noida where I have lived just a few weeks since they moved? Is it the overcrowded yet beautiful streets of Delhi? Is it mainland India in general? Or is it a concept, rather than an actual place? A fairy tale place I seek perhaps, like the end of the rainbow, that I might never be destined to find? (This is probably right where my mom would jump in and tell me to get married and 'settle down' but I'm not sure thats the answer. In fact, I'm sure that its not) What I can be absolutely certain of at this point in time, is that its NOT my apartment in Cleveland, and its never likely to be, no matter how much I call it 'home'.

Well, on this rather introspective and melancholic note, I wish everyone a happy holiday season and great 2010. May we all find our respective ends of the rainbow, or be at peace with not finding them.