Just Good Friends

"No, no! We're just good friends"
"Can't we just stay friends?"
"You're just my buddy"
"Lets just be friends"

I'm sure you've got what I mean, boys and girls. These (and many more variants of them) are possibly the biggest clichés ever in the English language(followed closely by,"I just want a nice guy who has a good sense of humor" and not so far behind is,"I'm sure you'll find someone special"). If I had 10 bucks for every time I'd heard these, I wouldn't be a terribly rich man, but i would definitely have enough to go for a movie and a lavish seven course dinner, by myself of course.

Now dont get me wrong, i'm not cribbing, although in my opinion, I have been at the receiving end once too many. I do understand that this is the ladies' way of putting someone they despise down as gently as possible, hence I have no complaints with this method. I think I speak on behalf of most of the guys who have experienced this when i say that we appreciate the thought behind it. However, having heard it for over half my life, I have realized that its the tone that hurts, rather than the content. "He's JUST a friend", "NO! NO! We're JUST friends", thus implying that this chap is completely dispensable.

I guess its something girls start learning when they're around 12 (the more attractive, the earlier it starts) when guys first begin to pay them attention, and by the time they reach 24, its more or less a part of their system. A conditioned reflex, if you will. I also believe that the "Just Good Friends" conversation is a fairly recent phenomenon. If it had existed all along, history as we know it might have undergone significant alterations. Can you imagine Juliet telling Romeo that she just wanted to be his friend? Shakespeare wouldnt have been as famous, and Mark Knopfler poorer by a few million quid.

Every time I have one of these conversations, i begin to wonder whether every guy has been on the receiving end as often as me, or is there something fundamentally "good friend"-ly about me(ladies, please feel free to comment. Guys, get your own house in order first). I'm not the most sociable of people (unlike those whack-jobs who claim to have "making friends" as a hobby-How needy is that?!), but I have no qualms about making friends. In these circumstances, however, its always kind of like getting "consolation prize"-never did figure out whether that was supposed to make me feel good or bad.

I often say that there are two things I will never figure out- computers, and the way women think. They think they're being nice to us when it’s really pretty painful. They think they're letting me down gently when they actually leave me hanging in mid-air. I admit that every single time I have had a "good friends" conversation, I have deluded myself into believing there's still a semblance of a chance, a ray of hope, despite knowing that it’s pretty much the last nail in the coffin. Totally my fault, I don’t blame the fairer sex for any of this.

Ladies, please don’t misconstrue this as a sexist post. I don’t have anything against women- in fact, I really like them - hence, my getting into trouble with them so often. Here's to all the "just good friends" I have ever made. I love you all. (Call me)