Just a few days back I was returning from a friends place at around 3 in the morning. On my way home i realized that my favorite time for driving on the capital's streets is around 3AM. Thats the time when you get the perfect mix of the half-asleep traffic cops(thullas/maamus-take your pick), virtually no traffic and an absence of signals. The disadvantages of this ungodly hour include a significantly added risk(for the above reasons, precisely) and an exceptionally large contingent of stray canines, which may not bother the more privileged of you who have four wheels under your posterior, but can give hell to bikers like me.
Driving in Delhi can be quite a harrowing experience. The cause is not helped by a populace for whom road rage is somewhat of a sport, the climes which can drive a sane man to climbing walls, and the pollution which makes us want to spend the least amount of time going from A to B. Throw into the cauldron some of the choicest driving styles in the world, and its bubbling over, ready to explode. Let me elaborate what I mean when I say "driving styles", and you will certainly identify with some of them. These are some of the more infuriating of them:
1. Auto-pilot: This is an auto-wallah who was born to do just one job-block your path-and by God, he does it sedulously. He will very diligently stop you from overtaking, and will drive well below the speed limit. He does not respond to honking, dippers, shouting or middle fingers. This vehicle is in more ways than one, on 'auto-pilot'.
2. Van's the man: Usually the realm of maruti van drivers, now being encroached upon by Qualis, Sumo, and the like(thank you, BPOs). These guys are in a real hurry, and seem pretty pissed at life in general. They will do the zig-zagging, honking and flashing of dippers. Warning: DO NOT try the middle finger - These guys are usually spoiling for a fight.
3.The Sorry Lorry: This is the truck which has 10 times its own weight loaded on it. It creaks. It cant stay straight, and is horribly tilted to one side. He wants to let you pass, but just isnt able to. These chaps are quite amenable to overtaking, but DO NOT allow yourself to be overtaken by them, as overtaking just one vehicle is often their ambition for the night. You could spend the next 20 miles trying to get past them.
4.Dhoom machale: Souped up bikes, even silly ones like Passion. With sillier still brake horns (weird tunes playing everytime they brake). From Dhoom to Vengaboyz, they have it all. These guys know no rules, indeed have no rules, wear no helmets, often drive with 3 people riding, and even use their cellphones while driving their bikes. My advice: Dont bother overtaking them, just let them pass. There's a high enough probability of them ramming into the divider or barrier anyways. Back the odds.
5. Hamara Bajaj: A family of 3,4 or even 5 can be spotted riding the trusty family scooter. Easy to overtake, but beware of sudden swerving as chunnu standing in front of his papa might decide to move all of a sudden, aunty might decide to shift her weight a bit, or uncle might just have turned halfway around in order to shout a sweet nothing into aunty's ear.
6. Horny Buggers: If you havent guessed already, this is the guy who is 10 feet away from a red light and always honks as soon as it turns green. Sometimes even before it turns green. He is the ideal recipient for the finger. Or better still, do what I sometimes do-as the light turns green, dont start your car, and as his honks grow louder, just turn around, give him a smile and then show him the finger. Far more fun this way.
Well, thats my top six, in no particular order of course. I'm sure all of us have our own personal favorites (I welcome inputs, ladies and gentlemen). So, till we meet again, keep your seat belt fastened, drive safe and keep that middle finger safely in its holster.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
An Ode to Mediocrity
How does Arjun Singh sleep at night?
Knowing that he's ruining my life,
And lives of millions along with mine,
Knowing he caused all this strife,
I think that he should now resign
With this government ruling,
Indian talent will rot
The undeserving will prosper
The unreserved shall not
The meek shall inherit the earth
so goes the prophesy
But even the meekest wouldnt have thought
"The earth will be gifted to me
because i have a certificate
which proclaims i'm weak"
While the rest of just wait
For Manmohan to speak
But he's too busy hiding
Behind Sonia's saree
and he just turns a blind eye
To all the maraa-maree
You send your people to meet
But false promises will not do
because now we've seen enough
And dont have any trust in you,
Oscar came to meet us,
as did Pranab Mukherjee
Sushma and Malhotra came too,
But soon had to flee
We are fighting this fight
not because we must
but because we believe in whats right
and whats rational and just
And so "Dr" Arjun Singh,
we will continue our fight,
but do tell me,
How do you sleep at night?
Knowing that he's ruining my life,
And lives of millions along with mine,
Knowing he caused all this strife,
I think that he should now resign
With this government ruling,
Indian talent will rot
The undeserving will prosper
The unreserved shall not
The meek shall inherit the earth
so goes the prophesy
But even the meekest wouldnt have thought
"The earth will be gifted to me
because i have a certificate
which proclaims i'm weak"
While the rest of just wait
For Manmohan to speak
But he's too busy hiding
Behind Sonia's saree
and he just turns a blind eye
To all the maraa-maree
You send your people to meet
But false promises will not do
because now we've seen enough
And dont have any trust in you,
Oscar came to meet us,
as did Pranab Mukherjee
Sushma and Malhotra came too,
But soon had to flee
We are fighting this fight
not because we must
but because we believe in whats right
and whats rational and just
And so "Dr" Arjun Singh,
we will continue our fight,
but do tell me,
How do you sleep at night?
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Ahmedabad rears its head again
I am contemplating a trip in a few days to Ahmedabad, home of my alma mater, to get my clearance from the office, and to hopefully bid a final goodbye to the place that has been home to me for all these years. Hence I caught myself reminiscing on the first couple of years I spent there, and to my surprise I had quite a fair share of fond memories to go with the ones of utter despair.
7 summers ago, I packed up bag and baggage and left for a completely foreign land. I had just got admission into a prestigious med school in Ahmedabad, Gujarat (I didnt think it was prestigious when i left, I was still depressed at not having gotten into a Delhi med school, but it was drummed into me over the subsequent 6 years-I still have trouble accepting the fact).
Nothing could have prepared me for the culture shock that lay ahead. For the first 6 months or so, I was in a perpetual daze. The place, the people, the place, the people, the people, oh, the people...everything drove me nuts (or in my rare lucid moments made me believe that everyone else was nuts)
The first month or two were spent getting myself ragged like anything, although in retrospect i seem to have enjoyed it. There were some really weird seniors in hostel with strange ideas of what constitutes fun. One guy woke me up at 3 am and interrogated me till 5 about Delhi and its surrounding areas."how many districts come under NCR?", and shit like this. When i forgot to mention the place he was from (faridabad),he went ballistic, and reportedly gave me hell. I was too sleepy to notice, but some of my friends told me the next day.
And it wasnt just the people who were already there. There were so many freaks in my batch too. I began to suspect there was a conspiracy to pick out all the weirdos and send them to that college, but the theory instantly collapsed 'cos it was based on the assumption that I was a freak as well.(A large majority of people have been known to be strongly in favor of this hypothesis, but I refuse to accept it)
One of my classmates used to love pretending that he was some sort of politician-cum-freedom fighter. He used to give us long speeches on how we should stand up for our rights and not let ourselves be ragged, and how he could arrange a "tamancha"(pistol) for the 'cause'. Another one spent roughly 80% of the time at home, and how he managed to get through with attendance like that is a mystery to all(It has been alleged that he went and told a professor that he had cancer, and wanted to spend as many of his last days as possible with his family. How a prof at a med school would fall for that is totally beyond me. It has also been alleged that he is married and has a daughter and thats the reason for his frequent and long visits to his hometown). Then there was the chap who virtually lived for porn. (He is reported to have watched 7 back to back porno movies in a single night to celebrate new years'- need i say more?)
The faculty of the college seemed to have its share of quirks too. One day the Head of Anatomy called me as I was leaving for lunch and asked me to lock him in his room, and to unlock him at the end of the break. That is the longest lunch break I ever had, and I had to keep reminding myself every minute, cos if I had forgotten to unlock him, I'd have to wait for him to retire before I could pass Anatomy.
The language and food were things it took me years to come to terms with. The food sucked quite badly. I can never forget the time I went to the mess, after playing an hour of soccer, dreaming of a lavish spread, and our cook (a lady affectionately called "mausi" by everyone else-there was no fondness from my side, our relations were at best strained) presented me with a platter of lauki ki sabji. I could feel the bile rise in my stomach. I controlled my reverse peristalsis and asked her what there was for dessert, and I was offered a bowl full of some green gunk that i thought i'd seen on the soccer pitch few minutes back-"lauki ka halwa". I pretty much ran what i believe is known as the 'gamut of emotions' at that moment. I felt disgust when i saw that thing, awe and amazement at the lengths that life went to in order to piss me off, joy when i realised i was right all along- the world WAS crazy, and dismay when i realised that there was no way on earth that i could possibly eat whatever that was, and would have to go out and hunt for food.
The first few months in any new place are trying, i'm sure, but I was tested to the hilt in Ahmedabad. The things that got me through those dark evenings when i was staring at the prospect of having tinda or lauki ke kofte were some good music, some good reading, my friends who to some extent agreed with me(those evenings were sometimes like war, when we would just sit together for 15 minutes before going to the mess and brace ourselves for the ordeal),and the promise to myself of an ice cream after the "meal".
I had my share of fun in college, although much different from the way i had pictured college before joining(someone should sue bollywood for their depictions of these temples of learning), but I am not looking forward to going back to the scene of the crime(s). Least of all in the heat of June. And I can already feel my gastric mucosa jumping around and looking for a place to hide at the very prospect.
7 summers ago, I packed up bag and baggage and left for a completely foreign land. I had just got admission into a prestigious med school in Ahmedabad, Gujarat (I didnt think it was prestigious when i left, I was still depressed at not having gotten into a Delhi med school, but it was drummed into me over the subsequent 6 years-I still have trouble accepting the fact).
Nothing could have prepared me for the culture shock that lay ahead. For the first 6 months or so, I was in a perpetual daze. The place, the people, the place, the people, the people, oh, the people...everything drove me nuts (or in my rare lucid moments made me believe that everyone else was nuts)
The first month or two were spent getting myself ragged like anything, although in retrospect i seem to have enjoyed it. There were some really weird seniors in hostel with strange ideas of what constitutes fun. One guy woke me up at 3 am and interrogated me till 5 about Delhi and its surrounding areas."how many districts come under NCR?", and shit like this. When i forgot to mention the place he was from (faridabad),he went ballistic, and reportedly gave me hell. I was too sleepy to notice, but some of my friends told me the next day.
And it wasnt just the people who were already there. There were so many freaks in my batch too. I began to suspect there was a conspiracy to pick out all the weirdos and send them to that college, but the theory instantly collapsed 'cos it was based on the assumption that I was a freak as well.(A large majority of people have been known to be strongly in favor of this hypothesis, but I refuse to accept it)
One of my classmates used to love pretending that he was some sort of politician-cum-freedom fighter. He used to give us long speeches on how we should stand up for our rights and not let ourselves be ragged, and how he could arrange a "tamancha"(pistol) for the 'cause'. Another one spent roughly 80% of the time at home, and how he managed to get through with attendance like that is a mystery to all(It has been alleged that he went and told a professor that he had cancer, and wanted to spend as many of his last days as possible with his family. How a prof at a med school would fall for that is totally beyond me. It has also been alleged that he is married and has a daughter and thats the reason for his frequent and long visits to his hometown). Then there was the chap who virtually lived for porn. (He is reported to have watched 7 back to back porno movies in a single night to celebrate new years'- need i say more?)
The faculty of the college seemed to have its share of quirks too. One day the Head of Anatomy called me as I was leaving for lunch and asked me to lock him in his room, and to unlock him at the end of the break. That is the longest lunch break I ever had, and I had to keep reminding myself every minute, cos if I had forgotten to unlock him, I'd have to wait for him to retire before I could pass Anatomy.
The language and food were things it took me years to come to terms with. The food sucked quite badly. I can never forget the time I went to the mess, after playing an hour of soccer, dreaming of a lavish spread, and our cook (a lady affectionately called "mausi" by everyone else-there was no fondness from my side, our relations were at best strained) presented me with a platter of lauki ki sabji. I could feel the bile rise in my stomach. I controlled my reverse peristalsis and asked her what there was for dessert, and I was offered a bowl full of some green gunk that i thought i'd seen on the soccer pitch few minutes back-"lauki ka halwa". I pretty much ran what i believe is known as the 'gamut of emotions' at that moment. I felt disgust when i saw that thing, awe and amazement at the lengths that life went to in order to piss me off, joy when i realised i was right all along- the world WAS crazy, and dismay when i realised that there was no way on earth that i could possibly eat whatever that was, and would have to go out and hunt for food.
The first few months in any new place are trying, i'm sure, but I was tested to the hilt in Ahmedabad. The things that got me through those dark evenings when i was staring at the prospect of having tinda or lauki ke kofte were some good music, some good reading, my friends who to some extent agreed with me(those evenings were sometimes like war, when we would just sit together for 15 minutes before going to the mess and brace ourselves for the ordeal),and the promise to myself of an ice cream after the "meal".
I had my share of fun in college, although much different from the way i had pictured college before joining(someone should sue bollywood for their depictions of these temples of learning), but I am not looking forward to going back to the scene of the crime(s). Least of all in the heat of June. And I can already feel my gastric mucosa jumping around and looking for a place to hide at the very prospect.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Breaking News?
These days 2 out of every 3 channels on TV is a news channel. The other one is usually in some south Indian language i cant fathom. (So it might just as well be a news channel too, but i doubt any self respecting, or even non-self respecting news channels would have their anchors semi nude dancing in the rain).
"Infotainment" seems to be the mantra these days, and new news channels are cropping up everyday-my cablewallah has already cut 5 sports channels down to two..its kind of like an "And then there were none" scenario, but i hope to have moved out by the time that happens (see my last post for more painful details).
My favorite(sic) news channel on TV these days is star news, primarily because of their tenacity. They can stick to one story for days on end, and their anchors never seem to tire of repeating themselves. Another reason I like them are the colourful titles of their programmes and headlines. (They actually have a programme titled "Match ke mujrim" which is aired every day that India plays a cricket match-win or lose, and has 2-3 "wise" men who comment on the days play, and a host of junta who really dont have anything better to do- not to mention the thousands of people who actually sms and vote for the mujrim of the day!Also aired is a programme called "Sansani" who's host is quite an eyeful-and earful. Could work as a modern day Gabbar-"bete so jao, nahi to papa sansani laga denge")
The most overrated over-hyped channel is the garish and ostentatious TIMES NOW, where Arnab Goswami appears to be a bemused journalist surrounded by wannabe starlets who probably spend more time in the make up room than celina jaitley and kareena kapoor. All this channel seems to care about is grabbing the credit("First on times now", "We have original proof", blah blah), and here every bulletin is an expose. Its like a child desperate for attention in a room full of adults.
It doesnt really take much to start a news channel, I guess. I mean, the last thing you actually need is NEWS. All you need , apart from the technical equipment and the capital, is a bunch of people who know some rudimentary english(They may even be call center rejects, anything goes), and a few well known people who like coming on TV to air their views. So if any newscaster is reading this and is in a spot of bother because the story he /she is covering regarding th spat between Sharmaji and Vermaji of Geeta Colony lacks a certain pizzazz, they should consider inviting the following people to comment:
1.Mr Mahesh Bhatt - This is one man who has an opinion on everything, from Parveen Babi to Abu Salem, from the tsunami to the football world cup. And in case he is unavailable (a hitherto unheard of scenario), his daughter Pooja can do just as well. Plus his recent fixation with Pakistan(Meera, just abt every Paki music band around) gives him the right to comment on the "padosi mulq" and "videshi taqats" as well.
2.Any ex-cricketer - Any cricketer who has played more than 0 matches for India can be invited to give his expert comments. Here we are spoilt for choices-Atul Wassan, S. Ramesh, Ashok Malhotra, Kirti Azad, Maninder Singh(the last three named actually host possibly the most entertaining cricket show on TV, I forget which channel- During the entire Ganguly-Chappel controversy, they had an episode in which they laid the blame for it all squarely on the shoulders of John Wright!!!!)
3. Navjot Singh Sidhu- Yes, I can hear many of you saying,"but he's an ex-cricketer too..". But surely, his realm is wider than that, and he deserves special mention. Cricketer, commentator, MP, Judge of stand up comedy, TV soap star( for the uninitiated, Mr Sidhu is playing GOD in a soap on TV-no kidding, i've seen the ads). The man has an opinion on just about everything. But the correspondent must be aware of the risks associated with him. Mostly, the fact that he doesnt stop talking once he starts, and that can pretty much throw your show way out of synch. Another risk being that he WILL say a lot of stuff that wont make sense(or wont make any sense to you, i.e, he will leave you as clueless as a child in a topless bar) but he'll say it with such melodrama, that it becomes a good sound byte. If nothing else he will just guffaw, slap the table and say "o, bas kar yaar, chakde phatte!!"
4.Ms Arundhati Roy - Although her appearances are limited compared to the prolific mahesh bhatt, she is still very much available for "social" causes, for example, if the spat was over sharing of water or disposal of garbage. Shobha De can also be invited, but if the quarrel took place in Vasant Vihar or Golf Links, definitely not in Geeta Colony.
5.Dr Jitendra Nagpal - a well known psychiatrist(these guys of course are paid to have opinions and insights on everything-what a job!). He can be an able substitute or add-on in case the story is a bit bigger ("How do u think Vermaji's kids are going to be affected by the quarrel? can you give us some insight into how this might have happened?). I have a feeling his clinic is somewhere close to the offices of aajtak and star news.
So if you hate your job, or know someone who's in need of one, pass them these tips.
Is bulletin me bas itna hi..
"Infotainment" seems to be the mantra these days, and new news channels are cropping up everyday-my cablewallah has already cut 5 sports channels down to two..its kind of like an "And then there were none" scenario, but i hope to have moved out by the time that happens (see my last post for more painful details).
My favorite(sic) news channel on TV these days is star news, primarily because of their tenacity. They can stick to one story for days on end, and their anchors never seem to tire of repeating themselves. Another reason I like them are the colourful titles of their programmes and headlines. (They actually have a programme titled "Match ke mujrim" which is aired every day that India plays a cricket match-win or lose, and has 2-3 "wise" men who comment on the days play, and a host of junta who really dont have anything better to do- not to mention the thousands of people who actually sms and vote for the mujrim of the day!Also aired is a programme called "Sansani" who's host is quite an eyeful-and earful. Could work as a modern day Gabbar-"bete so jao, nahi to papa sansani laga denge")
The most overrated over-hyped channel is the garish and ostentatious TIMES NOW, where Arnab Goswami appears to be a bemused journalist surrounded by wannabe starlets who probably spend more time in the make up room than celina jaitley and kareena kapoor. All this channel seems to care about is grabbing the credit("First on times now", "We have original proof", blah blah), and here every bulletin is an expose. Its like a child desperate for attention in a room full of adults.
It doesnt really take much to start a news channel, I guess. I mean, the last thing you actually need is NEWS. All you need , apart from the technical equipment and the capital, is a bunch of people who know some rudimentary english(They may even be call center rejects, anything goes), and a few well known people who like coming on TV to air their views. So if any newscaster is reading this and is in a spot of bother because the story he /she is covering regarding th spat between Sharmaji and Vermaji of Geeta Colony lacks a certain pizzazz, they should consider inviting the following people to comment:
1.Mr Mahesh Bhatt - This is one man who has an opinion on everything, from Parveen Babi to Abu Salem, from the tsunami to the football world cup. And in case he is unavailable (a hitherto unheard of scenario), his daughter Pooja can do just as well. Plus his recent fixation with Pakistan(Meera, just abt every Paki music band around) gives him the right to comment on the "padosi mulq" and "videshi taqats" as well.
2.Any ex-cricketer - Any cricketer who has played more than 0 matches for India can be invited to give his expert comments. Here we are spoilt for choices-Atul Wassan, S. Ramesh, Ashok Malhotra, Kirti Azad, Maninder Singh(the last three named actually host possibly the most entertaining cricket show on TV, I forget which channel- During the entire Ganguly-Chappel controversy, they had an episode in which they laid the blame for it all squarely on the shoulders of John Wright!!!!)
3. Navjot Singh Sidhu- Yes, I can hear many of you saying,"but he's an ex-cricketer too..". But surely, his realm is wider than that, and he deserves special mention. Cricketer, commentator, MP, Judge of stand up comedy, TV soap star( for the uninitiated, Mr Sidhu is playing GOD in a soap on TV-no kidding, i've seen the ads). The man has an opinion on just about everything. But the correspondent must be aware of the risks associated with him. Mostly, the fact that he doesnt stop talking once he starts, and that can pretty much throw your show way out of synch. Another risk being that he WILL say a lot of stuff that wont make sense(or wont make any sense to you, i.e, he will leave you as clueless as a child in a topless bar) but he'll say it with such melodrama, that it becomes a good sound byte. If nothing else he will just guffaw, slap the table and say "o, bas kar yaar, chakde phatte!!"
4.Ms Arundhati Roy - Although her appearances are limited compared to the prolific mahesh bhatt, she is still very much available for "social" causes, for example, if the spat was over sharing of water or disposal of garbage. Shobha De can also be invited, but if the quarrel took place in Vasant Vihar or Golf Links, definitely not in Geeta Colony.
5.Dr Jitendra Nagpal - a well known psychiatrist(these guys of course are paid to have opinions and insights on everything-what a job!). He can be an able substitute or add-on in case the story is a bit bigger ("How do u think Vermaji's kids are going to be affected by the quarrel? can you give us some insight into how this might have happened?). I have a feeling his clinic is somewhere close to the offices of aajtak and star news.
So if you hate your job, or know someone who's in need of one, pass them these tips.
Is bulletin me bas itna hi..
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Home Run!
ek ghar banaaoongaa, tere ghar ke saamne
duniyaa basaaoongaa, tere ghar ke saamne
ghar kaa banaanaa, koi aasaan kaam naheen
duniyaa basaanaa, koi aasaan kaam naheen
Sounded easy enough (and pretty romantic) when Dev Saab was singing it, but Nutan, I'm sorry to say, had a better grip on the facts pertaining to the obstacles that Dev saab might encounter in this project. Getting a house constructed is tough work(especially in Delhi/NCR- dont know how badly they try to rip you off in other places), its a bit like juggling 3 balls with your left hand while operating on an aortic aneurysm with your right, all the time of course, trying to balance yourself on a unicycle.
This is a song i hum to myself(cant do it loudly, the neighbours'd kill me) very often these days. My dad's retired now, and for the first time in our lives, my family actually has to worry about things like kitchen and bathroom fittings for a house of our own (while the government does provide very good accomodation to doctors in service, the same facilities are, however not extended to those who superannuate).
From not even bothering to know how much our phone/electricity bills for a month are, i've suddenly been catapulted into a world of wood margins, door handles and PVC pipes. Just about everyday i'm running around like crazy, learning some new lessons, and I suspect am paying quite a lot more than i should for some of them!
Sometimes I wonder whether Dev Anand in his quest for a house across that of his beloved's would have faced quite the same problems that I (well, my dad more than me, but I'm also getting used to 'em) am facing these days. The whimsical carpenter, who thinks of himself as an artist and not a labourer, and whose petulance is getting on our nerves day by day. The almost paranoid contractor, who's just worried abt getting paid ASAP. The compulsively lying idiot, from whom we have unfortunately purchased out kitchen fittings (i use the word "purchased" in its loosest sense, as we're yet to receive some of the stuff).
We're a long, long way from completion, and its going to take every iota of our patience to get this done, but i swear the next time i hear the carpenter querulously complaining and asking me to go and change some of the material that I had to go and buy in 45 degree heat in the first place, i shall scream.
What is with all these people? The more naive among us would say that they're getting paid for their job, so why dont they do it?(thats how i used to think just 10 days back) But now i've begun to believe that they're just lazy oafs who also unfortunately happen to have a rather sadistic streak in them.
I can also now understand why Shahjahan cut off the hands of all the dudes who built the Taj.
PS: If any of you need any tips for a modular kitchen, u now know whom to contact.
PPS: There is a green belt across the street from where i'm moving, so dont go getting any ideas from the song.
duniyaa basaaoongaa, tere ghar ke saamne
ghar kaa banaanaa, koi aasaan kaam naheen
duniyaa basaanaa, koi aasaan kaam naheen
Sounded easy enough (and pretty romantic) when Dev Saab was singing it, but Nutan, I'm sorry to say, had a better grip on the facts pertaining to the obstacles that Dev saab might encounter in this project. Getting a house constructed is tough work(especially in Delhi/NCR- dont know how badly they try to rip you off in other places), its a bit like juggling 3 balls with your left hand while operating on an aortic aneurysm with your right, all the time of course, trying to balance yourself on a unicycle.
This is a song i hum to myself(cant do it loudly, the neighbours'd kill me) very often these days. My dad's retired now, and for the first time in our lives, my family actually has to worry about things like kitchen and bathroom fittings for a house of our own (while the government does provide very good accomodation to doctors in service, the same facilities are, however not extended to those who superannuate).
From not even bothering to know how much our phone/electricity bills for a month are, i've suddenly been catapulted into a world of wood margins, door handles and PVC pipes. Just about everyday i'm running around like crazy, learning some new lessons, and I suspect am paying quite a lot more than i should for some of them!
Sometimes I wonder whether Dev Anand in his quest for a house across that of his beloved's would have faced quite the same problems that I (well, my dad more than me, but I'm also getting used to 'em) am facing these days. The whimsical carpenter, who thinks of himself as an artist and not a labourer, and whose petulance is getting on our nerves day by day. The almost paranoid contractor, who's just worried abt getting paid ASAP. The compulsively lying idiot, from whom we have unfortunately purchased out kitchen fittings (i use the word "purchased" in its loosest sense, as we're yet to receive some of the stuff).
We're a long, long way from completion, and its going to take every iota of our patience to get this done, but i swear the next time i hear the carpenter querulously complaining and asking me to go and change some of the material that I had to go and buy in 45 degree heat in the first place, i shall scream.
What is with all these people? The more naive among us would say that they're getting paid for their job, so why dont they do it?(thats how i used to think just 10 days back) But now i've begun to believe that they're just lazy oafs who also unfortunately happen to have a rather sadistic streak in them.
I can also now understand why Shahjahan cut off the hands of all the dudes who built the Taj.
PS: If any of you need any tips for a modular kitchen, u now know whom to contact.
PPS: There is a green belt across the street from where i'm moving, so dont go getting any ideas from the song.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Jhalak Dikhla Jaa
A few months back there was a spate of weddings all over Delhi. Despite my being comdemned as "asocial" by my family, and my parents nearly having given up on me, i still had to partake in the festivities on a few occasions. Somedays, just when I was getting ready to catch the premiership weekend matches, congratulating myself on having wriggled my way out of some such social commitment, and generally gloating, i would be welcomed by the now all-too-familiar, extremely nasal "ooooooooo..aap ki kashish.." reverberating through my neighbourhood. Shaadi in the park virtually nextdoor. You can run but you cant hide, son. Nothing from Metallica to headphones could save me from my misfortune. Over the next three-four hours i had so much of himesh reshamiya that i nearly OD'd to death.
This is the trend these days on every punju shaadi(also- engagement/birthday/reception/cocktails/ladies sangeet-i'm guessing here/ mundan /naam karan- way outta my depth on these). We may forego the butter chicken and naan, but himesh has to be around. A DJ accompanied by disco lights and a dance floor are a must. Of course, for the first hour, nobody cares to dance, and we all just gorge on the snacks and "soft(?)" drinks. After a while, the dance floor is occupied by the guests in the age range of 1-5, with some more experienced campaigners from the 5-10 age group supervising. And of course when the less adventurous like me, and some with a reputation to protect, like my dad are about to leave, and are saying our final "achhaji, thank you ji,you must come over sometime, and bunty and micky must come too"s, the dance floor is pretty much jampacked with people who, in my extremely humble opinion have had one too many. Lots of uncles who are tipsy, and many of whom will probably feel terribly embarrassed, not to mention hung over the next day. And of course, the one(at least one - some gatherings may have more than their fair share of such sportsmen) mandatory uncleji who tries to balance the glass on his head-that for me is the definitive sign for the bar to be locked, and the key flung far, far away.
Coming back to Himesh, what is with the music scene these days, and what has happened to our taste? I believe Mr reshamiya won an award recently for singing ashiq banaya apne (I could be wrong-somebody please tell me i'm wrong!!) ..an award that not terribly long ago, legends like Kishore Kumar and Mohd Rafi were vying for. I got nothing against Reshamia, i just think he sucks (whats with the silly cap anyways?). As do Qazi Taukir, and last but definitely far from the least, Abhijeet Sawant.
Anyhow, guess i'm rambling now..gotta rush and go turn off the radio..they're playing Jhalak Dikhla Jaa..
This is the trend these days on every punju shaadi(also- engagement/birthday/reception/cocktails/ladies sangeet-i'm guessing here/ mundan /naam karan- way outta my depth on these). We may forego the butter chicken and naan, but himesh has to be around. A DJ accompanied by disco lights and a dance floor are a must. Of course, for the first hour, nobody cares to dance, and we all just gorge on the snacks and "soft(?)" drinks. After a while, the dance floor is occupied by the guests in the age range of 1-5, with some more experienced campaigners from the 5-10 age group supervising. And of course when the less adventurous like me, and some with a reputation to protect, like my dad are about to leave, and are saying our final "achhaji, thank you ji,you must come over sometime, and bunty and micky must come too"s, the dance floor is pretty much jampacked with people who, in my extremely humble opinion have had one too many. Lots of uncles who are tipsy, and many of whom will probably feel terribly embarrassed, not to mention hung over the next day. And of course, the one(at least one - some gatherings may have more than their fair share of such sportsmen) mandatory uncleji who tries to balance the glass on his head-that for me is the definitive sign for the bar to be locked, and the key flung far, far away.
Coming back to Himesh, what is with the music scene these days, and what has happened to our taste? I believe Mr reshamiya won an award recently for singing ashiq banaya apne (I could be wrong-somebody please tell me i'm wrong!!) ..an award that not terribly long ago, legends like Kishore Kumar and Mohd Rafi were vying for. I got nothing against Reshamia, i just think he sucks (whats with the silly cap anyways?). As do Qazi Taukir, and last but definitely far from the least, Abhijeet Sawant.
Anyhow, guess i'm rambling now..gotta rush and go turn off the radio..they're playing Jhalak Dikhla Jaa..
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